Another Binge Blog
Binge : a drunken revel : spree. b : an unrestrained and often excessive indulgence a buying binge. c : an act of excessive or compulsive consumption (as of food) went on an eating binge, binge drinking.
I have never taken a picture of the morning after, but something compelled me to do so today. The realisation that I am not an ‘-oholic’, I binge. Most likely I binge everything without even knowing it; Information, TV shows, Instagram stories, YouTube, Amazon. (We’ll talk about the long term effects of that in another post. How do you purge those, I wonder?)
I found myself googling ‘How can I stop binge eating and drinking?’ as soon as I woke up today. The first hit was from Psychology Today:
- KEEP A JOURNAL. Welcome everyone you are now part of the journey.
- SET RULES and give yourself 24 hours window if you need to change them. This stops the mind having to make decisions when faced with temptations. Apparently.
- NAME YOUR DEMON.
Pause.
I’m sorry, what?
This changes everything. He called it the ‘Lizard’ (the science behind it is the link to our reptilian urges — Do I love it? Do I kill it? Do I eat it?). Now, I am not sure why, but something about this intrigues me. I am all for the journal, down with the rules, but naming the demon? Decision time.
Who is this demon inside me that wants to eat until my tummy hurts so much I have to purge into empty glass bottles?
Who is this demon who can order 3 takeways in one night and down 10 cans of beer topped up with a Gin & Tonic (to refresh oneself)?
Who is this demon who has spent thousands (exact figures in another post) on soggy fast food and over-priced drink?
Who is this demon who has attached a 30 kg fat suit onto me that is impossible to remove?
Seriously, who are they? I’d like to meet them and ask them to pay off my credit cards and loans please.
THE DEMON. Sorry — it’s not you, it’s me.
I am facing the facts here that that demon is me. It’s part of me. Choosing a name for it seems awkward. I consider the ‘Sloth’ (No, Sloth! I will not eat or drink any of your soggy sloth slop anymore!) But then, I find sloths really cute and I dont want to demonise them. I then considered ‘Dave’ because, well why not? Dave is the answer to all conundrums when trying to name things. But no, again, demonising Dave does not seem fair. So, here I am. Deciding on a name. Much like naming your first child, or first pet, but slightly more sadistic.
And so this is the beginning of a journey I have never really sought to fix until now. 18 years later. With many twists and turns along the way. The problem is not emotional childhood trauma, genetic predisposition to alcohol, youngest child syndrome or any other ‘-ome’ or trigger I wish to blame. It’s me. It’s binge. And this is the start to fixing it. That’s its name. Binge. About time.
